Help with this please?

i need help trying to figure out the best way to scale a wall using only ninja boots and a grappling hook. every time i try to do it, gravity takes hold of me and body slams me onto the floor, i mean when i am trying to put my ninja boots on this happens. you see, i weigh 492 lbs. so, i am a pretty hefty ninja one might say. well when i finally get around to mustering up the strength to toss the grappling hook up to the roof, it does one of two things, it either falls on my jowls, or it hooks, then i can't climb it. is there a motorized ninja device that will pull me up so i can complete my missions, and does it come with a cup holder for my soda?? i'm thinking that they might make one in the shape of a wheel chair or something that will disquise me so i blend in with my natural surroundings........ people in wheelchairs are on the sides of buildings.............. well, any help would be appreciated. and don't mention this to snake eyes, the evil ninja, okay??

Help with this please?
A sidekick. Someone to throw the hook up tie off a pulley and pull your chuncky butt up... You can dress him in what ever your like.
Reply:Yeah! Its called the buttkickernijachair Z00,000,000!